Monday, June 21, 2010

Out of Nowhere-- A Curious Declaration of Love

Oh look, it's 12:07 a.m. Not a bad time, actually, but late enough that I can write a great blog post.

So I saw Elder Hill for the last time. His farewell was amazing! He is such a good public speaker, and his testimony is so clear and simple. "God just wants to talk to us so badly! He's just waiting for us!" He loves talking about God's love. He also talked about his own father.

Ah I love that kid. I really do. But saying "I love you" seems weird, because it's more than anything romantic or twitter-pated. It's a deep, abiding love of the purest sort. It's a caring love. I want the very best for him, oh so much. I don't know how to explain how I love him... this all sounds so horribly cheesy and it just falls so short of what I really mean to say.

Let me try this way: I heard a quote once, "Anyone you truly know, you love." Well, I feel like I truly love Elder Hill because I truly know him. I know his weaknesses, his strengths, his quirks, everything... He is not perfect, he's just Paul. I mean, Elder Hill.

Holy Whoa, I did not intend to write all that about my love for him! Where did that come from? Well inside of me, I guess. And, as you have well figured out by now, I don't really delete things, even though I should. So that proclamation of devotion was unexpected... Sorry, dear readers. I try so hard not be sappy and cliche, but it just happens sometimes.

I really wanted to just tell the world that I am so happy. I am so happy. I am happy. I thought I would be upset and wallowing in a tragic pit of tears, but I'm not. Mind you, I have cried. I have been sad, and nervous. But I have been overcome with a deep sense of peace. I am sad, but it’s a happy sort of sad.

All my emotional space is filled with this peace. The sadness and fear and loneliness are still inside me, but they aren’t as real. They’re nothing more than a slight coloring of the calm inside of me.

I know it may seem strange that I’m talking about emotions like this. I can’t help it. I find it so curious that my feelings are not the center fiber of myself right now. I’m used to them consuming my whole existence.

All I can say is that I feel God's love in my life every day. I do not know the end, but I know it's going to be okay! Everything is the way it should be.


** Story behind the picture ** I was lining up to get my picture with the popular Elder Hill. So I go to stand next to him, and before I know it, he's picking me up! Talk about lover's leap! That made me really giddy. (Ah, I'm such a girl...)


alexis joy: said...

That was the sweetest blog post ever.
You and Paul are some of the best people that I met at the U. I can now look back and say that I went to the U to meet you guys!

Having friends on missions is one of the greatest blessing ever. Its hard at time but it is truly wonderful.

I miss you so.

Wawa said...

Awww...! I just stumbled upon your blog here, Megan. =) It's so shveet! Wish I could have been at Paul's farewell to see y'all. )=


(Linguist, eh?! 8D Hurrah!)

Meg said...

Alexis: Yes, it is hard, but I know it's so worth it. They're amazing! I love hearing missionary stories.

Wawa: Yes, I'm a linguistics major! Is that what you're going at the Y? It would have been cool to see you at Paul's farewell, but I hope we'll get to run into each other sometime!