I lose about everything except sleep

I am frustrated with myself.

I slept in until 1 p.m. Do you realize what this means? I have been up for 3 hours and it's almost 4 p.m. I mean, what can I do about that? My phone was on silent this morning, but if it hadn't been, I'm pretty sure I would have slept through it anyway. I'm the heaviest of sleepers.

I can't communicate without sounding like a blubbering bag of nonsense, because I'm not a morning person, even if it's in the afternoon. Sorry world, I'm on a different schedule than ya'll.

I'm in one of those moods where I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what I want to eat, or what I want to watch. I did try to clean a little bit today, but I got tired, so I stopped mid dish scrub and spent an hour on Pinterest.

I lose everything important. I usually get it back, though. (Thank you dear couple who found my phone lying on the road and returned it to me.)

Yesterday was fun though. Sam and I went to the temple and watched Downton Abbey (a show we are so obsessed with. So magical) and we went to a gymnastics meet, had a spontaneous trip to Neilsen's Frozen Custard. Then we watched a scary movie, that now doesn't seem so scary now that's it's day time.

I just need to remember how happy and optimistic I was last night so I can stop being a grump today.

The end.

-Meg

p.s. Does anyone know any way I can help myself wake up at a decent time? I want to sleep in, because it's the weekend, but this 1 p.m. stuff is ridiculous. 

Sunflowers

It's a midweek lull and the only response I can give to anyone about anything is "I'm tired."

But I have fresh berries and carrots in my fridge and Katie put sunflowers on our mantle. I am sure I will go to the farmers market again soon.

I have been working on my teaching philosophy and it is more interesting to me than I could have imagined, although I still don't think I have a full grasp of the meaning of teaching.

In fact, I can't tell if I'm grasping anything these days, but I think as I start to get more sleep, things will clear up inside my head.

-Meg

12:59 a.m.

I know it's super late, but that is what I am famous for: late night posts.
Today I practiced one of my new goals. I try to be involved in some way at least once in every class, every day. I just make it happen.

I'll answer a question (or try, even if I'm not sure I'm right.) I read aloud in Spanish. I ask a question. Just something.

This is a secret I wish I had learned earlier! It keeps me awake and I think it will make my professors like me! My classes have suddenly become meaningful because I have invested myself in them.

One of my over-arching, almost-a-motto tag-line is to be fearless. (Yes, like T. Swift.)  If I'm afraid, I just stop being afraid. I shut up that fear inside of me and force myself to embrace whatever comes.

I'm tired and I have no energy, but courage grants me strength, even when I'm just pretending I'm brave. (Yes, like "Just Whistle a Happy Tune" from The King and I. ) I do need to figure out a way to sleep more, though. Maybe closing this post and actually doing my homework would be a good start.

Now that I've made a few embarrassing music references, I will cease prattling on. There is work to be done. Good night, all.

-Meg

Why yes, I do sleep with a sleep mask

Meet Nellie.

She's my sleep mask.

Her buddy Reginald is at my home in Syracuse, so I don't have a picture of him. But he's dark blue. I have 2 because if I forget my sleep mask, I have such a hard time sleeping.

This is lame. I know.

It all started last year when I was a wee freshman, and my dorm window was right smack in front of a street light that had the brilliance of a thousand search lights. Super annoying.

I tried pulling the covers over my head. But then I felt like I was suffocating.

So I gave in and bought my really nerdy sleep mask.

At first it felt really awkward, and I felt vulnerable, like someone was going to attack me because I was blindfolded. And if my roommate wanted to talk to me, it was just weird. I mean, it's easy enough to lift it up, but then you just look like a dweeb.

Soon enough, the calm darkness that the mask brought was so inciting it was dangerous. I overslept for many a day! And instant nap, any time of day.

And even when I went home, or when I moved to my current residence, I still needed it. It relaxes me; if I don't wear it I have a hard time relaxing my brow muscles. So much tenseness and stress!

Now I sleep in basement, which is practically a cave because there is no way to tell the time of day down here. It is so dark and cool. All the time. But it doesn't eliminate my need for Nellie.

My mom thinks I need to abandon it, because it's pointless and dirty (sometimes my makeup gets on it, gross, I know). She said that about blankie and binkie and silkie* too. Just sayin'.

Nellie gets to stay. I need her.

-MEG

*Silkie: n. A small square of silk cloth that I carried around with me for comfort when I was a young child.

Exclamation Points, Eating, and a short list of utterances

Yay! Another really late post! Hold on to your hats! Let's hope that this is semi-good (let's face it, the last couple of posts have been LAME!)

Now that I've overused my exclamation points, we can move along to the rest of my rant.

I'm so so tired. (Duh). It is so hot. I can't believe I complained about the cold just a few weeks ago! (Crap, I just used another exclamation point.) I am blaming the heat for the reason why I cannot sleep. The heat is keeping me up, that and my homework, which isn't due until Monday, but I have a feeling I will have absolutely no desire to do it tomorrow, because tomorrow is Mr. Hill's farewell. The fact that tomorrow is his farewell and that in a just 3 days he will be embarking on a long journey to an island 6,000 miles away is NOT why I'm still awake. Because I wouldn't whine about that on my blog. How cliche would that be?

Another reason I'm still awake and it's almost 1 a.m.: I think I've had like MAYBE 700 calories today. And like half of those were from a serving of Alfredo noodles. Alfredo is my weakness! I know it is one of THE most unhealthy dishes one could eat, but I always get it! (Well, actually my mommy made it for dinner, so I didn't have a choice.) But I actually didn't feel as guilty as I normally would. I had a toaster strudel this morning and a slice of left over frozen pizza for lunch. So I was so happy when I drove all the way home from work and mom had saved me food from dinner! But even with a normal dinner, I'm still out of whack from not eating. I love eating, I just don't ever have time to eat.

Wow, that was an pathetically long paragraph about food. I'm sorry, I know it is so impolite and boring to write about food! And I'm feeling nauseated anyway, so writing about vittles was an extremely poor decision... oh well! (And there I go again with the exclamation points!)

Maybe I should only write blog posts in the wee hours of the morning. The floodgates of my creativity are so weakened by sleep deprivation that they break open all the thoughts I would keep to myself while in a rational state.

I am really going to go to sleep soon, but I have to say one more utterance! (Okay, maybe more like 3 or 4.)

1. I saw TOY STORY 3. I loved it (I mean, is there any other way to feel about that movie?) I could really hype up this show, but it really stands alone. Just see it, and if you cry, that's okay, because I cried too.

2. I love my daddy. Happy father's day dad! I suppose I should make a Dad blog post just like I did for mother's day. Well... I will ... I guess. But I just get the feeling my pops aren't as sentimental about that kind of thing. I'll still do it though.

3. There are a total of 12 exclamation points in this post alone! Not okay! (13) Using exclamation points is like laughing at your own jokes. (Name that movie!) (14). Sometimes they are necessary, I think, especially in texting and such, because how else can you convey an excited and engaged tone? This is an endless puzzlement for me.

4. Speaking of puzzles... well, I'm not going to say anything about that. Mr. Hill does not read this blog, but YOU NEVER KNOW!

5. Speaking of Mr. Hill, after tomorrow he shall be called ELDER HILL. Although I've decided that when I get letters from him, they shall be called "Epistle of Paul." Because that's just cool.

14 exclamation points later and WAY TOO MANY CAPITALIZED WORDS, I end this tremendous blog post, which exhibits the extreme insanity of me. If you have read until the end, I commend you (as I often do). You are a brave soul.

-just little old me(g)