Thursday, July 15, 2010

Too Much Thinking

It's only 8:20 p.m. and it feels like a late-night post.

Already I've run 10 miles this week and I'm exhausted. My head hurts and I feel achy, but that's okay. I have been by myself all day and that is nice. The Importance of Being Earnest. Frankenstein. Light in the Piazza.

A long nap.
Ramen Noodles with an egg.
Chocolate cake.

I have new running shoes, and I really need a letter right now. Saturday I'll get one, I'm pretty sure. I always get nervous when I know one is on the way. I never know exactly what he's going to say. I know he'll probably talk about how much he loves God and how much his testimony has grown-- just like every missionary does whether he means to or not. Then he'll tell me about Fijian, and then he'll sign his name. The last two letters have been that way. But it's a letter all the same.

There are a thousand poems in my head, and not one will fall enough for me to catch it and make it beautiful.

Today is a day when I miss Elder Hill so much. When I was in Provo we drove past the MTC, but I had to tell myself that he wasn't there, that he was already in Fiji, because knowing he was right there but that I cannot see him is too much for me, and I'm trying not to be too attached and I'm trying not to talk about him so much. If I don't think about him, then it won't hurt so much, but then what about when he comes home? What will that be like? I'm so worried about something that will happen in such a long time, and here I go rambling about things that don't matter and that I cannot do anything about!

Too much thinking is not advisable. It is not good for one's health. Sorry about that rant. I really need to stop.


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