It's Getting Awkward in Here

It's no secret that I'm an awkward person.


One of my fingers always has a nail that's awkwardly longer than the rest. I go days without showering and openly admit it to people, forgetting that for some, anything short of daily showering is considered offensive. Sometimes I find myself talking at people instead of with people. When I'm skyping, it's really hard not to look at the little screen that shows what I look like. I'm so vain. I'm far too obsessed with my Klout score. I crack my knuckles all the time. I crack my toes and my fingers... bad habit that probably grosses people out. I know. I'm sorry. I'm awkward. I play Pocket Frogs and other really stupid, not-even-nerd-worthy games on my iPod. Sometimes I wish I was a gamer. I also think about grammar a lot. Relative pronouns are haunting me right now. ("Somebody That I Used to Know" or "Somebody Who I Used to Know"?)


I just wanted to get those awkward things out there. I hope that wasn't awkward for you.

Not that this means anything to you, but please notice how I have about seven White Bruna Obaro frogs at once. It was really frustrating. It's not even a for a set. Lindsey is probably the only person who appreciates this. (Or is it -- the only person that appreciates this?)

I need to go to bed. This is getting awkward.

-Meg

Observations on The Bachelor

I watched The Bachelor. Let me justify this act: So the break got the best of me. Boredom set in, and I was caught up on all the New Girl episodes. 

My observations:

First of all, the entire concept is a bit strange. Think about it--let's get a bunch of twenty-somethings who all claim they are ready to find "the one" and throw them in a house together. Let them wear more makeup than clothing. Put one attractive single guy in charge of narrowing them down, eliminating them one by one until he finds the woman he wants to marry.

If you didn't watch the first episode of that season, it's OK. The rest of the post will still make sense. It may, however, make you throw up in your mouth. Don't say I didn't warn you.

My first impression was that everything was so fake. That's a crazy way to describe reality TV, I know. This makes me doubt everything! So if love isn't like the scripted movies... is it really that awkward and shallow as reality TV and nobody notices?

All the girls (contestants?) seems so nice in their intro videos. Each one makes me say, "aww, she's so cute and unique!" They talk about their life, and then there's a wide shot of her walking the streets of her home town, in a breezy blouse and short shorts, taking in the sights and sounds of her surroundings...

But then I see them on the show and I'm so disgusted. There's so much cady drama and competition. Like really? It's a bit over my head. I know I would hate to have all that competition. You have to be loud and if you don't stand out, the bachelor won't give you a rose. (That means she gets to stay in the house longer.)

All this begs the question: What if he don't like forward, brash women? Is that a qualification to be the bachelor? 

If I wasn't in an amazing relationship filled with mutual understanding and respect, I'd find myself getting extremely self-conscious about my flirting (not to mention my own pensive strolls). Because every girl acts so weird when she flirts. Do I look so awkward? Do I endlessly comment and stroke guys' hair and recite meaningless rehearsed pick up lines? Do I throw my head back and laugh just because I want him to think I'm a funny gal?

I'd like to think no, especially since I'm not competing with anyone for Sam's affection. (And I can say that with some certainty.)

There's a lot of squealing and "sexy!"

There's a lot of crying.

There's a lot of walking. You know, the kind of strolling that humans do all the time--hands in pockets, deep thoughts about love and life bouncing around in your head, all the while looking gorgeous, completely oblivious to the camera following your every step.

One good thing:

There is a girl named Elyse, and that's my middle name. That's cool.

Back to weird things:

How long did it take them to think of their first entrance? One at a time, each girl walks out of the limo and greet the bachelor. (I think his name is Ben. You'd think I'd remember after 1 and a half hours. But I was just trying to get the girls' names down.)

Some are kind of cool, but most have these weird quirky pick up lines that try to both to attract him and make him remember something unique. For instance, the law student girl was all, "the verdict is in... you're guilty... of being hot!"

(All they talk about is how hot he is. To fair, that's all they had to go on the first day. And that's really all he said about them. Because that's all that matters.)

Another girl just walked right by... being cool. She didn't talk to him. Not a word. Guess what? She didn't get a rose. Sorry hun, you might have to study up on the grammar of body language. And before you tell me she's a just shy girl, I'd like to refute that shy girls don't give guys looks like that.

Most of the girls blended together to me, despite their clever first lines and crazy attire. I can't tell them apart because most of them look the same. Usually I do remember if they're a blonde or a brunette though. To viewers of previous seasons: Has a redhead ever been on?  Now I'm curious. I also wonder why they are all white. No Asians or Hispanics or Blacks? 

One last thing:

The model is the ugliest girl there. And she kind of looks like Ursula when she comes up onto dry land.

Photo

She kind of acts like it, too.

Oh, and before I forget, one more good thing:

A girl showed up on a horse! She was cool, too. She seemed natural, and real real, not just reality real. So far, anyway...

I don't know if I want to watch the rest of the season. But I am curious how this grandma lady fits in. (Ya, there was a grandma. I'm kind of confused.) 

Starting on Monday, I'll have school to keep me busy, so I won't have to resort to watching reality TV. Say yay!

-Meg

Sadness...

I now appreciate Steve Jobs' contribution to technology more than ever now that my iPod is gone. It was stolen today.

It was by my own folly and I took it relatively well I think. My iPod's name was Dr. Who.

I hope whoever has my beloved Dr. Who is enjoying my insanely lofty Pocket Frogs level and my mildly accomplished Angry Birds status.

Before he or she sells it on Ebay, I hope they utilize the dictionary app. to fill a crossword puzzle. I hope he or she plays some Scrabble, too.

I bet he or she finds enjoyment in Tetris and Robot Unicorn attack and reads a poem or two from my Poetry App.

And I'm certain that if he or she takes a gander at my music, he or she will be impressed at the variety and oddity of my collection. It is random and beautiful, and it took a long time to build up.

When I get a new one (notice it's WHEN not IF), I'm going to get a bigger one (Dr. Who was only an 8g). That's a plus. 

No one usually reads this blog, but I got an insane amount of traffic from a few sketchy sources. So if you're out there, iPod stealer, know this. That was an object I loved. Treat it well.

And those headphones? They were awesome. Appreciate those awesome headphones.

-Meg

Staying home

My family is on vacation. I am not. I had high hopes of joining them at the end of the week, but the powers at be thought otherwise. I will be lucky if I get a few hours up at the cabin.

My summer has been quiet and pretty empty, until now. Now about fifty different commitments are vying for my attention and time.

It's hard to remember how fun the musical is supposed to be when your sweltering under the hot stage lights, crammed next to other sweating people. The air conditioning is off, and we still aren't even in full costume, and so we have yet to realize how hot it's really going to get. And we do the scene over and over and over because we can't get it right.

I need to practice my Gibson Girl hair some more. I'm stubborn. I will settle for nothing less than a brilliant pompadour. People wore their hair like that every day--and some people still do--so I should be able to get it right. This should not be out of reach. I hate skimping on something so iconic as hair. I don't want a lousy low bun without any body. No sirree.

Then there's work too, but that hasn't been too bad. It's good to be back in the office. I had to stay home for the musical anyway, so work isn't too much of a burden. It's flexible anyway.

So yes, pity me in my misery. No, don't really. I just needed to vent.

Anyway, have a nice day. Especially if you're riding horses. Have a brilliant day.

-Meg

Vegetables are awesomespice

I'm afraid I've been thinking. Probably too much, which is dangerous. We all know this thanks to Gaston.

I've been thinking about a lot of controversial things.

Like being "green." Or, as I like to say, "a responsible human being." I think I have an anxiety disorder, because no matter what I'm doing, I can't stop thinking about all the harm I'm doing to the earth. I took a long shower this morning and I forgot to unplug my phone charger. Yesterday I ate a steak, and although I know that the beef came from a reputable source and so the cow was not subject to pain and suffering during its life, was ethically killed, and was not shipped over hundreds of miles to reach my table, I could not shake the awful feeling I had that I was eating an animal. I was eating flesh!

I have really started to cut back on meat because it really is better for the environment (and for your health.) I really like being vegetarian, but I sometimes do eat meat, for a few reasons.

1) I need some protein sometimes. I'm not a picky eater and I have few allergies, so I usually don't have a problem getting enough protein through other means. But sometimes it's just not happening any other way.

2) If I eat meat, though, it's going to be good meat. Not a marbled meat (which one should never eat. I love hot dogs, but they're just so bad for you...) I'll eat meat if I know it was raised and harvested responsibly and locally, and if it's lean and unprocessed.

3)I don't want to offend people. Someday, meat won't be such a big deal to people, but for now, if I go to some social event and I don't eat meat, the host often will be offended. Would they get offended if I didn't like vegetables? Probably not as much, but whatever. Eating is a social thing, so sometimes I'm just polite and have some meat so everyone feels comfortable.

I've found that people get strangely defensive when I try to explain that I don't eat meat. Then they criticize me if I do eat a little meat once I've said that I'm a vegetarian. This is my usual response to those people.

• First, I never said YOU had to abstain from meat, I just said I wasn't. You don't have to justify why you eat it to me. I know.
• Second, it's not a diet. I'm not eating to loose weight or gain weight. I'm eating to be healthy and conscious of those in the world around me. (Later I'm going to rant about dieting.)
• Third, my arguments for vegetarianism are not any less valid if I do eat some meat. I may not be absolute, but at least I'm trying.

Vegetarianism is not a religion. I'm LDS, and we are advised in the word of wisdom to eat "very little meat." I feel that I am being more obedient to that now that I've changed my eating habits.

And you guys, there are so many awesome fruits and veggies. If you're a picky eater, I just don't know what to tell you. There is so much good stuff out there, meat is only one part of the food pyramid. Even if you still want to eat meat, try making it a more balanced part of your diet. Try being a vegetarian just one day out of the week to help reduce your carbon footprint.

Try some peas, carrots, jicama, strawberries, peaches, asparagus, broccoli, corn, potatoes, squash, zucchini, cucumbers, apples, spinach, tomatoes, avocados, blueberries, grapes, oranges, pears... the list goes on and on. I rarely feel like I'm missing out on anything.

Sorry if this post seemed long and preachy. I feel that this is important, and it is something that troubles me often. I have a lot of other issues with food, but I'll save those for later. Thanks for reading my crazy mind...

-Meg

Catharsis

Things I have learned--

I suck at communicating. I can practice what I'm going to say a million times in the mirror, but when it counts, I sound awful and illogical. Or worse--silent.

When I'm mad, I just need to get mad. I try to suppress the way I feel, but then it just gets all bottled up and pressured and then I explode. And the problem only gets worse.

Things just don't get fixed on their own. People don't get hints. People don't think alike. It's not a gender thing. It's just a truth of life. I know this is incredibly obvious, but I struggle with that concept. I assume people think the same way as I do and want the same things I do. I need to learn to either accept how people choose to express themselves or develop confidence in myself so I can tell people how I feel in a way that they'll understand.

People don't know how I feel because they don't ask. Which is totally fine. I shouldn't expect people to ask me what I want. I certainly never ask others those questions.

And that's something I need to change, because I can't change other people; I can only change myself.

I want to be more aware of other people's feelings so I can be that girl who is worth overcoming apathy for.

That's for me. Sorry, everyone.

-Meg

Give Blood. Save a Life.

I donated blood today!

Do you know what makes me so angry? People that say they don't donate blood because they're squeamish of needles. Oh. my. heck. I'd probably swear in this letter if you weren't a missionary! Seriously. I can see if you have health issues, or if you've been out of the country or something. But just because it makes you nervous? Because you just don't want to? I say, don't look at me and say that-- look at the children, babies, and other people who need your blood to survive and tell THEM that you just can't bring yourself to do it. So what if it hurts a little? You're saving someone's life. That isn't something you should take lightly. It's like a humanly responsibility to do it. Wouldn't you want someone to donate blood for you if you were in an accident? {This is an excerpt from a letter to Elder Hill}

So if you can donate blood-- do it. I don't care how scary it is. Life is full of scary things. But there are things more important than your fear. Like saving someone's life. Just sayin'.

-Megan